Private Message to Rory

[alt_rabastan]

I can’t sleep love. I’m sitting here looking at old photos of Harry. He’s toddling across some parlour I don’t recognise. I don’t know who took it or exactly when, but it’s probably during one of the northern campaigns. I’m just imagining what the future could bring. I’d never want to raise a kid during another War. He wasn’t my responsibility yet, but I know it was hard. Hydra and Draco are in the one or two of the scarce few I have from when they were little. They’re playing together and look happy. Probably why there are so few from then, only the ones where he looked

Our situation is so much better than things back then. It’ll have to be better for … Really it’ll have to be. But we just made Blaise That bloody After Harry chucked her over, Ptolemy made Katie find a new “sponsor”. My old friend Cal let himself be Insomnia does strange things to your mind.

The goal has been achieved, we have a Wizarding Protectorate, run by Wizards for Wizards and it is glorious. It had better be my friends’ blood is splashed every acre Are we really making the right choice?or will he be raised in not just a War but Civ

Comments

[alt_sinistra]

Oh, sweetheart. Wondered why you were already gone when I woke up.

Yes, insomnia does do things to your head. Before dawn's not a good time to examine one's life choices even if you're not me, really.

I don't even know where to start. I wondered if you'd

What kept you up thinking most, love?

[alt_rabastan]

I was thinking about our plans and started looking at old photos because I couldn't sleep which got me around to what's really the problem.

Thinking about my fellows messing about with the love lives of other pure-blood children for what appears to be no reason other than funteaching them obedience.

Is that really the way we're going forward? Will it still be that way fifteen years from now and do we want to face that future? Just with us playing Lucius & Narcissa or Amara & Fergus's parts?

[alt_sinistra]

I most certainly hope it won't be that way in fifteen years. Or ten. And I'd like us to be our own selves, as we have been, please. Whatever - whoever - that is.

If we don't do better, who's going to? I know I'm being optimistic and idealistic and a whole string of other adjectives that get me sneered at in certain circles. But I think we've a chance. Maybe.

Mum and Dad raised me to be safe. Secure. But that's not as safe as it looks like. And if it's - I'm - not going to be safe, I'd rather try to do something - anything - that matters. Last year taught me that. Someone who makes something better. Teaching's a piece of it, but -

Guessing you've had another conversation with Harry about his reports that's going to make me wince, too.

[alt_rabastan]

I trust us to do better. I trust Harry. I believe in the grand plan of our Realm. But I didn't think we'd still be where we are by now, and I hope the future will be different, but can we know? If he trusts Ptolemy and the Notts more than I've lived a dangerous life. So many of my friends and those of our brotherhood are dead. You know the list as well I as do. It's horrible to have to ask this, but will you be able to go on when I die would you be able to take on all the responsibility if something happens to me?

Yes, I learned several unpleasant things in my last talk with Harry. You're really not going to like them. At least three of the contestants decided that our party was an appropriate place to take action. Whatever Linus was up to in the Palm Room with Ptolemy. Another contestant spiked Padma's drink, ruining her relationship with Blaise, potentially wrecking things with Draco and Daphne. And the worst one. You're really going to hate this. Do you want to know or would you like to be able to turn a blind eye?

[alt_sinistra]

I do know the list.

Love, I knew you had a dangerous life before I ever spent a night in your bed. I thought a lot about what ifs, before we talked. What it'd take. I can do the arithmancy. Number of people who've died, getting things where they are now. Number of people who've died in the last couple of years, even. Chloe But nothing's certain, right?

I want so much with you. I want children (I'd not mind a daughter, you know, not just a son.) I want you to die decades and decades from now, surrounded by people who love you and think well of you. I want there to be hordes of students who are better because of you - of us. Dozens of other things.

If - if something happened to you, I'd miss you to the end of the universe, most likely. Every day. Most hours. (Had a taste of that, last spring, enough to know.)

Love, my family, whatever else we are, we're good at raising kids. The kind of kids you and I want. I'd have - support. Help. There's practical things, and we can talk about that. But I'd be better off than so many, and I know it.

Unpleasant things - I'd rather know. Blind can't make sense of the stars.

[alt_rabastan]

I'd love any child of ours. Boy or girl. I guess I'd just been assuming.

Your family has been welcoming to me and I'm sure they would love another child no matter the family. I'll try to put those doubts to sleep and plan for the best.

You know Harry broke it off with the young Ms Bell thinking it would protect her. Hoping to make her less interesting and allow her to be overlooked. It backfired. Ptolemy Baddock decided that as she had lost her 'protector' she needed a new patron and told her to acquire one by any means necessary. He implied she'd won her previous protection with her body and should do so again. She went home from our party with my dear old friend Cal. She believes she has a new patron, but with Cal's history... You can guess how Harry feels about this. I'm so sorry love.

[alt_sinistra]

Urania's mercy on the seven unsatisfactory suitors of the Pleiades and their worst excuses and excesses.

And on anyone who's stupid enough to make an enemy of a witch.

Give me a moment.

[alt_sinistra]

Right. Do we know how she is?

At all? Because.

There's things people don't tell one. About that kind of - giving someone else your wand. Or making them think you have. How it changes things.

I told you, after Stint, and the Gala, that - it's too common a thing. Always. For witches who aren't sharp enough on their own. Aren't seen as anything like a threat. Like me if Alde Like me if you

But to push someone into it. Put her in that position. How Ptolemy could even think

I'm sorry, love. That Cal went along with it.

Come down to Tosha's. We can talk.

[alt_sinistra]

Realised I'd not answered one thing worth putting into words. Love, I know my family's utterly foreign to you in too so many ways. But they are rather fond of you. You're just nothing like they expected.

Temp has been teasing that they thought for years I'd fall in love with a telescope. I love telescopes, but they are decidedly uncomfortable to cuddle in bed. (I've tried.) Nor do they have a number of your other virtues.

And I'm not certain of a lot in the world, really, but I'm absolutely clear they'll be there, if I we need. Odd, how marrying you made that more sure and solid.

I kept looking at my NEWTs tonight, and thinking. How is it fair to ask them to live with things we wouldn't want for our own children?

Coming down to bed, now. And you.